Directed by: the notorious Uwe Boll
Plot: Former Special Forces soldier gets sucked up by a teleport opened in his living-room by a group of medieval ninjas, very peeved for some reason and hellbent on destroying Lundgen’s Ikea furniture. Soon, he becomes the leader of a popular uprising. He has to fulfill a prophecy. Or something. Carnage ensues.
Pros: Apparently Toyota is the car of the kings. Watch for a styrofoam castle with a parking lot (minute 38 and 43), and an occasional highway crossing the ancient wilderness.
Cons: What happened?! We thought that all was peachy once Jason Statham and Leelee Sobieski saved the world in ‘In the Name of the King‘ w/o the numeral? Why does it have to be saved anew, by Dolph Lungren of all people, an actor with as much charisma as a litter of kittens, speaking his lines with a furrowed brow, as if each word about to leave his Nordic lips was ‘antidisestablishmentarianism’?
Our creative collective discussed the merits of introducing a new category called ‘Who Put Money in This Crap?’ to accommodate this feature. As we make headway in exploring the dark depths of Netflix, we might return to this concept. For now we decided to place it in the ‘WTF’ bucket.