Albino Alligator

Screen shot 2013-10-16 at 4.03.07 PM

Starring: Matt DillonFaye DunawayGary SiniseViggo MortensenJoe Mantegna

Directed by: Kevin Spacey (THAT Kevin Spacey)

Year: 1996

Plot: Robbery went wrong and now three hoods hold five people hostage in a basement bar, somewhere in the South. For 97 minutes, 97 minutes with no one is going to give back to you, the action plods along to inevitably flaccid grand finale.

Pros: Viggo Mortensen doing the worst imitation of French Quebecois accent ever recorded by the motion pictures. That being said, our creative collective agreed, that we would have greatly preferred to watch Mr. Mortensen read Montreal phone book for 97 minutes, instead of watching Mr. Spacey’s directorial debut.

Cons: Matt Dillon’s performance. It is just wrong. It made us think back to the junior-high production of ‘Titus Andronicus’.

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